ET: Close encounters of the 3rd kind... The Ups and Downs of Katy Perry

She brings us catchy, poppy little ditties about flammable, colored explosions and ladies from the West Coast (although she is not herself a California girl)....or tan... however, since I don't personally know her, she may be tall, fit, and ready... I just know she isn't tan... She also provides some important style points to ponder. Let's give it up and dress it down for Katy Perry!

First up, we have a wonderful boa constrictor- serves as a cantaloupe cradle- getup. She is also blue...daboo dee daboo diiiii. The ginger wave of her right hand and her crest white n' bright smile, suggest a certain confidence. A confidence no one who is blending the unique fashion styling of Madonna and Nicki Minaj should possess. The trampy vibe runs rampant with this first look. Don't let the doe eyes fool you.

OR...

She may cut you. Yes, yes. In one fell swoop the blue eyed innocent vibe is smothered by this pic and... bam bam... after years on end of searching, wondering, lamenting, B.I.G and  Tupac's killer has been found. Now, she is threatening the world with explosives. F.I.R.E.W.O.R.K. 

Before she was the bride of Russell Brand, she was the bride of Frankenstein. Which is more creepy, I do not know. This look speaks for itself. And it does so loud and clear. 

Now this is a look that can be taken from day to night in 60 seconds flat. It says Chippendale's meets Texas in a very demure manner. Well done Katy!

Those eyes are are deep pools! Sewer pools, attracting a large green worm. Toilet paper material, barely thurrrrr top does not help the bad feng shui here, pretty lady!

She is stunning! Until underneath her shoulders, where it appears the large black bear that has been missing from the San Diego zoo has gotten a little handsy.

This year... she will be doubling as a figure skater! Heavy on the emphasis of her figure, light on the skating aspect!

Ahhhhhhh, Katy. You're wardrobe keeps us on our toes with yays and woes.

(Note to readers: Katy Perry is a human being and God loves her as much as He does me. All remarks were said in good fun. Love you K-Dawg. But not your music. Or your blue hair.)

Part 2

So, the first batch of eligible men in undies had you hanging (no pun intended) huh?! Well, here are a few more strapping lads for ya:

Here, neanderthal meets modern man. And he is keeping an eye out over his shoulder in the likely event that a tigress tries to pounce.

Eclectic is basically the only sane way to describe this ensemble. Just remember folks, the next time you (if you are a fella) or your significant other (llaaaaddiesssss) wants to go on a casual stroll Or jog!) around the park, the neighborhood, or the army base, this little number is obviously the only option.

Happy Easter!

Male Models

It couldn't be helped. What couldn't be helped? you may ask. Oh little naive grasshopper. The male model google image search is what could not be stopped. What I had set out to see was some smoking hot ethnic men. This is what actually turned up. Complete with commentary:

To start us off we have this sporty number. One does not have to employ too many neurons to come to the following conclusion: "what the hell?" First, one strong kick and this guys will lose is nads. Secondly, his package looks awkward. Innaprop.

Why is this man carrying a bulky, before mechanical-type, dynosaur of a pencil sharpener in his drawers?

Though men still make more money than women (not rightfully so) and hence get a higher cut of the economic goods, I have to make this claim...they should not get the same cut of underwear. LET'S GET SERIOUS. If he has skivvies that merit a 5 o'clock shadow anywhere but his face...the man's wearing panties.